Take some time to examine why you have the “preferences” you have and whether those preferences are actually just coded transphobia, racism, ableism, body negativity, femmephobia, etc.
We’re happy you respect us and the journey we’ve been through, but we also want you to just honor the fact that life is complicated and we’re all humans doing what we need to do to live authentically. Here’s a simple thing to remember: we are the gender we say we are regardless of whether we live up to your ideals and we don’t need your stamp of approval to make that so. Earn extra points for asking what words we use to refer to our junk instead! If you’re a man who digs men (including trans men), you’re still gay, honey.
If you’re a man who’s into men and women (transgender or cisgender) and people who identify outside of the binary, then bisexual, queer, pansexual, or whatever else might be the right label for you. I’ve always wanted to be with “a trans.” Good god, where do I start?
If you’re attracted to the person you’re talking to, then it really shouldn’t matter if they’re a trans man, a trans woman, or non-binary.
If you’re that worried about it, try picking up on cues about how they present themselves and how they talk about themselves. Your profile is too angry or too overtly political.
Look, we know we’re sexy, and we’re glad you think so too!
But, the last thing we want from people who are trying to date us is to be asked a bunch of invasive questions or treated insensitively. It seems like you’re being nice when you tell a trans person how brave they are for living their life unapologetically.
Being a trans person and trying to date on or offline can be downright exhausting. Trans people, trans people of color, disabled trans people, fat trans people, etc. Check out the dictionary description of “fetish,” and you’ll find that it’s sexual attachment to an object.
Sorry if my language comes across as harsh, but I have every right to ask that the people who contact me are respectful, value consent, and are, like I try to be, aware of their own privileges. Well, turns out trans people, people of color, disabled folks, and fat folks are not objects! The people I find sexiest are those who are down to include me in their sexuality without making a big deal about it or obsessing over how my body is different from a cis person’s body. Conversely, I’m not into trans people, people of color, disabled folks, fat folks, femmes, etc. There are systems of oppression in place that shape our attraction to different groups of people.
They make it seem like we transitioned from one fixed thing to another fixed thing or that we haven’t always been the gender we know ourselves to be.
Not to mention the fact that trans people are not just some amalgamous blob.
I’ve reached out to both Tinder and Hinge about safeguards for trans people using their apps and why they don’t offer other ways for people to express their genders.