As much as possible, plan to keep the child's life as much the same as possible – home, bedroom, school, activities, friends, etc.
This is important to give your child some stability during a very hard time. Instead, say that you think that even though there may be a tough transition, the divorce will give everyone a better life in the long run.
You can expect to have to repeat this conversation in various forms over time, as your child adjusts. When he cries about the smallest thing, be aware that he is carrying around a backpack full of grief and anger that needs to come out somehow.
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Give them cell phones so they can have a relationship with each parent that isn't mediated by the other. If your ex is destroying that relationship, there is nothing you can do about that.
You'll be tempted, but you'll end up regretting it. This will feel like a death to them, and in fact it is: the death of their family. But if you undermine that relationship with negative comments about your ex, you are hurting your child. Even if your child can't tell you that, it will come out in their behavior. Your child needs you to be the stable, emotionally mature, resilient leader. Be aware that children need time with each parent more than ever during a divorce and be there to spend time with them.
Never talk about each other in front the kids, even if they're across the room and you're on the phone with a friend. Never say anything in front of your kids, or on social media, that you don't want repeated to your ex. You're at a point where you have to do the hard work of learning to be your own parent. Make sure your child still feels connected to you when she is with the other parent by staying in touch via phone, skype, email, texting.
Maintain appropriate boundaries with kids in your discussions, not just about your spouse, but about everything. Listen, and reflect back what you hear: “Sounds like you’re pretty mad at Mom and me that we’re getting divorced.” Let your child have his or her feelings, don’t try to argue.
Tell them that you both did your best to save the marriage and that the decision to live apart was made by both people. If your child has seen you fighting, you can refer to that.
Otherwise, just say that you are happier living apart, which will make you better parents when you live apart.Anything positive you can say about the new arrangement, say it, for instance if it means he can have a puppy, or a goldfish, or if he now has TWO of a special toy, one for each house.Make sure you finish with how Mommy and Daddy are much happier now, and both love him so very much.Most of the time when a parent loses contact with a child after a divorce it is because of the conflict between the ex-spouses.He is still related to, and needs, both of his parents. Don’t make him feel guilty for loving his other parent.Keep re-affirming it to your ex as you model maturity in all of your interactions.