The answer is very clear: There are a lot of chips on the table and with blind odds.
If it made sense, or it was easy, or it wasn’t soul-splittingly uncomfortable, there would be no propulsion forward, towards marriage or otherwise. Uncertainty is the soil of the Psalms (Psalm ; 88:3).
Uncertainty in dating propels us forward with purpose. Uncertainty dangles us from our ankles and reveals all of the unspoken (and often ungrounded) expectations hanging loose in the pockets of our faith: You don’t need to pretend you haven’t thought those things — like you haven’t wanted to say those things to God, to other Christians — like you haven’t preached those things over and over again to your own heart. The uncertainty of dating peels back the floorboards of our presumptuous theologies — our crystallized ideas about what God for us — and shines the light on all the threats beneath the otherwise comfortable world we live in: “Those who once feasted on delicacies perish in the streets” (Lamentations 4:5). The uncertainty of dating is a microcosm of the otherwise forgotten truth: Life is uncertain.
Even the notion that life beyond dating has no uncertainties — marriage, kids, family — is a delusion.
The risks are higher, the vulnerability deeper, and the losses greater.
Understanding that anxiety is a proper reaction to the unsettled angst of an unfulfilled and covenantally unprotected relationship is the best starting place.
We can say a dating relationship is protected and settled and safe, but it isn’t — no matter what dating philosophy one adheres to, the emotional escalation of dating leads either to a breakup or a marriage.Indulging in anxiety in a dating relationship is like indulging in back-seat driving: It only makes everyone else more nervous and annoyed and doesn’t actually contribute anything positive.Yet, the experience is legitimate and real, and so is the fear. To know how Jesus Christ is relevant to our situation in dating, we must first of all come to terms with the often avoided, but very obvious reality, that we are not safe in a relationship.It is an unsustainable (but not purposeless) relationship-form in the long term, meant to lead you to depend on a heavenly Father who cares for you, and promises to provide for you, regardless of your relationship status or prospects.But uncertainty is a mercy, if we’re prepared to receive it — it reveals to us the tensions of life itself, especially when we can’t sit still long enough to listen. Life in the midst of “We do not know” (John 14:5) and “You know” (Psalm 139:4) can, at times, feel like we’re fastened to a torture rack — pulled between a big God and real life.The uncertainty of dating highlights for us the immanent possibility of blessing and tragedy.