It's rooted in a larger ideology that's riddled with entitlement and privilege.
However, as one gay man I interviewed, Noah, said, “I also think that (white) gay men's attitudes on polyamory are shaped very heavily by our successful assimilation into mainstream culture.
They have, however, led me to repeatedly ask the same questions: Why does the mere mention of a non-monogamous relationship make these guys' blood boil? Have these men been taken advantage of by men who use the “open” label, and instead of realizing that that guy was just an unethical person, they think that all guys in open relationships are unethical people?
It's worked for me, and I wish I had known poly was a viable option sooner. Still, when I even hint at the idea of not being 100 percent monogamous, guys throw more than hissy fits; they have full temper tantrums.
I'm not even saying go out and date a million people; I'm saying that if both you and he are exclusive bottoms, maybe it's worth it to consider bringing in a third. But that's enough for guys to become furious, taking their comments to every social media platform.
Clearly, both setups come with a myriad of issues, but what makes me happiest, most comfortable, and most satisfied, is polyamory.
Polyamory, ironically, also alleviated my jealousy issues and relationship-induced anxiety, simply because I trust my current partner unconditionally.
After being in a year-long, tumultuous monogamous relationship, I fell into polyamory by accident.
After giving it a shot, I realized that I am better equipped to handle the struggles that come from polyamory than monogamy.
Why do they feel that it's important that everyone be like them, in a monogamous relationship, when it doesn't affect them? I've tried engaging with the monogamy-or-bust folks, going straight to the source, but I've never learned anything useful. The only people who are actively angered are men who are single or unhappily committed in a monogamous relationship.
They are so consumed by anger, that they can't speak logically about why something that has nothing to do with them provokes such outrage. This had led me to believe a main reason for their anger is displacement.
Another man I interviewed, Rob, said he has hasn’t received much discrimination aside from a snarky comment here and there.
“Let's face it,” he said, “open relationships are as common among gay guys as bread and butter!
Like most people, I knew nothing about polyamory when I stumbled into it.