Does your partner pretty much have no relationship with your mother in law?Unless there are mitigating circumstances, “this is a red flag because guys like this don’t have a good model for romantic relationships and will either be too clingy, controlling, distant, or prone to cheating,” says Carroll.
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And in this case, he’s probably going to choose your mother in law over you.
“The other problem with this is that he will relate to you the same way he does to his mother, allowing you to dominate and control him, which doesn’t bode well for a long term relationship,” he adds.
When a Millennial in a serious coupling doesn’t do this and offers an excuse like he or she forgot or “just likes to look,” that can be enough to end the relationship.
In an era of protests and celebrity politicians, finding out that your paramour voted for the opposite political party than you did in the last election can be a major turn-off for some Millennials.
“It’s one thing to get your mom’s advice on something; it’s another to require her approval when you’re a grown adult,” notes Jaya Jaya Myra, a dating and relationships expert. “If your guy is seeking approval from his mom on daily life decisions, you can be assured she’s also pulling the strings on who she approves of him dating,” she explains.
“If he requires her approval, it doesn’t matter how awesome you are or how much he likes you; he won’t have the courage to break this co-dependent pattern and choose you if she ever decides to disapprove.” You can definitely try to change his mama’s boy behavior with a movie quote, but with this level of dependency, it might not work.
“If she constantly asks intrusive questions your partner needs to be able to reply: ‘That is not up for discussion.’” If he can’t, it might be in your best interest to cut him loose. “Of course, this means he might also be financially dependent on her—or you might even get the sense that he is hiding your relationship from her.” Here’s the problem with this type of mother-son relationship: “How he relates to her is going to color his relationship with you.
It doesn’t matter if you love her or hate her, your partner’s mother (or your mother in law) is guaranteed to be a sensitive or politically fraught topic—especially if it feels as though he’s always putting her interests above yours, or he refuses to draw any sort of boundaries between your relationship and her. That’s because in order to have a healthy relationship with his mom, your guy has to have some boundaries.
There are some habits and personalities that we already know are not compatible with our own, so when we’re faced with them on a first date, we know immediately to drop the other person. Someone can say all the right things, but if they utter one thing that we don’t like, we swiftly move on to the next person.
These dating preferences that we enforce may seem strict, but it’s important that we are compatible with the people we date, so we keep looking for others who will be a better fit for us.
“If your partner tells his mother everything, this is a bad sign,” says Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW.